Sunday, December 18, 2011

Prayers Are Wishes That Never Come True

When I hear the word pray I see the word wish, because this is what i am defining the word as so to speak.

I use to believe in a god, that there was someone who watched all of what we did, i believed that he control all of existence and that he created all of existence and i use to pray to this god because i felt like i was being grateful to the being that created me and felt like praying was some how me taking responsibility for having a relationship with god.

Now that i see no reason for a god to even exists and realize there is no god that watches all of what we do as there is just extensive abuse allowed on this planet i - i see prayer as just making wishes, which will never come true unless the one making the wish make it a reality.

Now if you going to wish for things it obviously implies that you do not have, or have enough. The only way for a wish to come true is for one to actually physically get up and create it.

When i hear the word wish, i have it defined as asking for something one does not have and expect it to magically appear in whatever period of time. Now we know that this has nothing to do with this physical reality we live in yet we pray as if we will magically have shit fixed for us. Looking at this i see wishing or prayer as a form of self abdication, i cant do this for myself so i need god to do it or i need the power of the universe to magically correct all of what i dont have access to.

How is prayer like wishing? Because it doesnt work, or at least one cannot prove that it works - if one 'feels' good just because they have prayed that doesnt mean it worked, the wish or prayer has to come true so since that cant be proved a prayer is just basically wishing and imagining and creating more of a relationship with the mind as polarity. Its not like you get an answer back from god confirming that your prayer will come true, so it is a wish.

WISH: to want; desire; long for (usually followed by an infinitive or a clause) - that is what prayer is, a want or a craving because of lack. 

Now lets get real for a second and pretend wishes and prayers dont work.... In order for this world to an order that is best for all WE need to fix this shit ourselves, no god wish or prayer can or will ever change this world as a whole and that is proven by our great reality friend called time. How long has prayer wishes and god existed and nothing but destruction and abuse and suffering has to show for it, if we dont take responsibility for all life here as equal as one than we have what we have now, people wishing and praying to fix the fuck up we created; it simple to see that we are just letting the problem get worse and if this continues we wont so time to wake the fuck up, stop wishing stop praying and lets get up can answer our own prayers, lets answer our own wishes.

Wishes dont change us, we change ourselves, through are actions, through our choices, through our participation and there are consequences for all of what we do. If we expect wishes and prayers to fix us than the consequence of that is endless insanity and continuous neglect of those that actually require shit to live.

In an equalmoney system, no one will pray, no one will wish because all have the best everything thus no want or desire can exist because they dont exist ;P 

Where we rid the world of its neglectful inactions. 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Self Dimishment/ Survival Through Working

I had been living with my wife in secrecy for around two years. I got tired of living in such a dishonest way and talked to my wife about it. After weeks of talking about what are we going to do to get out of this situation she decided to join the navy as they have benefits for housing medical and other basic living requirements. She has to be enlisted for four years and it is going to be pretty rough on her but this is what we have to do in order to sustain us. She has the third dangerous job in the world as a ABE and what she does is control chaos. She has to load the jets onto a catapolt and retrieve them. Where ever she is going I basically have to go and since we are married she gets more pay.

She was in bootcamp for two months and this was a month before I started process of redefining the old me that dont give a shit about anything except my own self interests to a person that is caring and considerate of any and everything here. I blogged for a month straight everyday for self support self realisation and for sponsorship so that because I do not have the money to pay for my DIP so I needed assistance within that from someone I do not know which I thank dearly for.

I then moved to my mothers while she was in bootcamp for two months and decided to start vlogging because i saw how it assisted and supported other destonians within self realisation and becoming comfortable with self and understanding how to converse more effectively. Living with my mother was the same as anywhere else just with different people rules; the way it was the same was because it I had to take responsibility for all that I participated in just like anywhere else.

After two months of basically having all this free time to work on myself my wife is stationed in florida where my dad happens to live. This is where my process begins to hault per se. I am not complaining but this was just another thing I had to be responsible for. I move in with my dad and we agree that I am going to work for him at his shop. Now had no problem at all with this agreement and saw it for what it was, another responsibility. My dad is a working man and what he calls it is ''making moves'' which i find funny as hell but that is what he calls it. All my dad does is work ALL day. We wake up and work and go straight to work lifting furnature all day or going to storage autions for his thirft shop that he owns. There were a lot of cases where we dont eat for long periods of time because of the ammount of work we did; not a complaint just an example of how offtend we worked. I never worked so hard in my life; put it that way.

When I got to his house the first week of work I knew that it was going to stop me from being so constant with my desteni i process because when we got home we were just exhausted and just ate and fell asleep and repeated the same thing everyday seven days a week. Now my dad was showing me some work ethic which I can understand because I am supported by my wife and basically he considers me the wife of mine and my wifes relationship lol which is true in the context of this mental reality but I see it as she is more understanding in survival than I am. I dont look at it in that context of comparison as the man is the one that makes the money and the wife is suppose to stay home and cook and clean and all that other preprogrammed mumbo jumbo. I see it as I am to become one and equal to her within making enough income to support us and I have yet to do so because it takes time for me to do financially support us and that is what I am busy in process of doing as well.

So back to the point; I had to put my process to a hault because of all the work I was doing so I had no time to work on myself within changing through writing realizing then living. I turned into a work machine for two months straight and hardly passed my lesson three from the DIP and asked my buddy Marley if I can put my process on a pause for a month to so that I can handle certain things and working with my dad.

Now I am headed back to California and I am going to start process yet again so this feels like a bit of a timeloop. I did enjoy my stay with my dad as I feel like I needed that push to assist me within seeing how it is to constantly work within this current system which is something that I lacked perse. I have requested to start my DIP again and I am going to go into this more determined than ever because living like this is regorous. It is tuff and not saying that I dont have the streaght but I am saying that if someone has to work as constantly as I did those two months just to be rich than its fucked, where is the play, where is the fun, where is self? If all we do is work our asses off than how the fuck can we really ever enjoy life? Some can say well enjoy your work but when it comes to working ONLY while your alive than that is not something to enjoy, that is not supportive towards the physical, it strains and stresses it out and eventually at the end of your time you can be satisfied through only working? Working is a part of life, it is not life, it is a lie. It is meant to distract us from us, from who we are and thats why people become obsessed within work, because this is the system we allow, one where people are afraid to not have. Afraid that if they give up one day of work that they can no longer live. living in fear is not living, it is abuse, it is a lie and we all live it.

Now if we lived in an equal money system, there would no reason me sneaking in and out of my wifes parents house. My wife would not be regretting the job she has now. People would not live in fear of never having money/ fear of loss. People would have time to actually enjoy their stay here on earth. If there was an equal monitary system than I as would all be able to have the time to assist and support themselves to live what is best for all by changing their mind to a system of support instead of a system of fear, a system of judgement, a system of greed. We all need an equal money system so that all can live a dignified life and work out of fear, we would work out of support and self responsibility. Why dont we want this for ourselves, why do we insist in this abuse?

See how an equal money system is possible for all life here on this planet.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Why I Stop The Mind

From the beginning of time mankind has been anything but kind. We have taken over lands through bloodshed and mass murdering of populations. Now I was taught in school that America was brought about by Christopher Columbus coming over here to spread freedom of religion. To do so he killed countless natives and I saw nothing wrong with this. While in school I did not question what was being taught because I saw this as acceptable. But is it really, killing a shitload of people for freedom of beliefs. So we disregard others way of living to live our own through killing. What bullshit this is to kill others because they don’t THINK like you. This is what we just accept blindly, not considering anything else but our beliefs that are not real in the first place. What was real was that a lot of people died due to these beliefs so to live our beliefs there has to be some type of sacrifice of others lives or life period.

Sounds familiar too, within how we believe that profit is what is best for all when people die because of this belief by not being as effective as others in generating profit. For the mind to live as it’s made up beliefs it has to kill those that can’t participate within the belief. That is ego, thinking that one way is better than the other when really there is no better way than the way that is required for all to live which is equality and oneness. How, well within equality and oneness there is no belief, there is just actual necessary common sense towards what is required to live. Within oneness and equality there is no mind because the mind only considers what it believes and within oneness and equality all are considered, all are equal and all are one so there is no separation as the mind as beliefs.

We as man as the mind claim that this is mine, this land is mine, this house is mine, this girl is mine, these resources are mine, mine, mine, mind; these possessions are mine, so in doing so we possess ourselves with these possessions. This is separation, this is the mind and this is what the mind only considers, is itself, so within the mind oneness and equality cannot exist because it is all about itself and what it believes and what it wants and what the mind possess’ itself with.

This is why those of us at desteni stop the mind because there is no way one can stand within the principle of oneness and equality because the mind will not consider all as one and equal but will see all as separate and as divided.

 Man-kind (man support) is anything but kind because man lives as the mind so we are man-mind (man abuse) instead of mankind further proving that we are living as the total opposite of who we are (separation/inequality). You either consider self and only self as the mind as inequality and separation, or you consider all and everything as you as equality and oneness. Considering all and everything as you is oneness and equality, and considering only self as separation of all is the mind as ego.

The mind is here as a separate reality as opinions, beliefs, and thoughts that are in no way real like the physical reality, we are all in our bodies, our bodies are what keep us here in this reality so that is who we really are which is our bodies which is the physical. The mind only abuses the physical and abuses as diseases are mainly caused by the thoughts of people. So thoughts as the mind does not support the physical reality that we are, so lets live as who we are which is the physical because the physical is the only thing that can support the physical. As history is proof enough to show that the mind only abuses the physical reality through force and brutality and if the mind is in separation from the physical reality than it is only commonsense that it will not consider the physical reality and just consume the shit out of it till there is no more to consume/take. By destroying this world we will be destroying ourselves, so lets stop this self destruction and live as self correction till self perfection. Thanks for reading. If you understand what I mean then look up the desteni I process to see how there is a solution for the mind and its abuse. Lates, equality for all we see.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Good-Bye Mind, Hello Breathe

I went out for a talk. I first walk as I did the four count breathe which is cool to do while walking because every four steps I will breathe in for four steps, than hold for four steps, than out for four steps, than hold out for four steps and so on.

I did this for who knows how long, but it was for a good period of time if you will.

I start talking after I knew I was completely stable, here, clear, and ready to take on this point that I dared to face which was stopping smoking.

I had stopped for two days. I noticed though that through those two days that the cravings were gone and all I had left were just weak thoughts. So what I did was when a thought came up about smoking a cigarette I would do a one liner self forgiveness state meant and breathe through it.

Eventually I fell after two days with no smoking.

Well this walk I just went on now discussing this point was about why did I fall within this point that was going so well. Well I noticed that I re-LIED on this point that there was no urges anymore, that I was pretty much happy that the cravings that once possessed me daily were gone so I am fixed, that I am fine, that I am done. Obviously this was not so as I fell eventually just relying on this “accomplishment” of I have no more urges.

Another point that came up while on this walk was that I always was dishonest with self and others about cigarettes. I would hide it from people like my girlfriend, and now my moms husband. I never talked this point out or faced it, and what it is showing me is that by me hiding smoking that I am being dishonest towards others which is really dishonest with self because I am the one living as something that I am not which is still smoking. It is a reflection on how I am dishonest with self for me to hide that I smoke cigarettes.

I need to get over this and face my dishonesties. I see from all this that every time I have a thought of smoking a cigarette to look at that point and do more of an effective self forgiveness so that I can have more of an effective application within living my correction. That whenever I have a thought no matter how light it is or insignificant it seems that I am to take self responsibility for what I allow within myself still. I need to be self determined in directing self to face self in every moment that self needs to be faced. I need to become one and equal to the thoughts that I have and not in a participating way where I act on the thought, but in a way that I can see what I am existing, so that I can see what I am allowing and simply put a stop to it right than and there, instead of relying on the fact that I deleted the urges or cravings I once had. the thoughts are what caused the cravings in the first place so the thoughts are what are left within me so now it is a matter of me facing these thoughts till they are here no further, till all that remain is me here.

I will myself to stop these thoughts that are still lingering inside me that still cause me to smoke, I stop myself from not seeing myself as one and equal to these thoughts to stop them at all times. I am here as breathe so in every breathe I will face myself and stop the suppression I cause myself to experience thus creating me to time loop and continue the same abuse that I once feared facing. I stand for myself as myself as my breathe to stop the abuse that I have allowed for too long now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to share this blog for all to see, thus hiding from others the dishonesties live, therefore hiding myself from myself to not face self.

I stand no matter how much I fall, I will get back up until I’m done.

Thanks for reading always here James

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Falling, Failing, Giving Up are all just not Standing.

I went for a walk last night, breathing being here to communicate with myself about giving up on self. I did this because this whole time I have been giving up on stopping smoking. I never saw it within myself that I can stop smoking; I never saw this as a possibility. So while walking and talking I told myself to first keep this simple, don’t get lost on some random point just stay here focused on this giving up point that you allow yourself to be.

So I asked myself, why do I give up? I looked at that and saw that me giving up on myself is me not facing myself, simple. So I looked at the point even further and just kept talking out loud to clarify how I don’t want to face myself. The reason I see giving up as acceptable is only because I have lived it. Living this giving up-ness has allowed me to live my life to not face myself.  So because I live giving up on myself I never saw that it was required for me to face myself.

What is funny is that it is not required for one to give up. Giving up on self and not facing self is not a requirement to live so this whole time of me living as this ‘failure’ you can call it, has been just a mind fuck of excuses and justifications that I believed were acceptable to live as.

What was funny is that when I went through this point of giving up it took me a while to see that giving up was not ‘standing’, and the reason that was is because I never really stood in my life, just blindly soaked in information, being this gullible machine that sucked in information and spit it out.

I came to understand that I need to stand. I have to stand because otherwise I will just be giving up and falling or failing. Falling is just the consequence of not standing and that is not to be feared (falling). I have fallen enough through my life and through my process. It is time for me to take this point by point slowly so that I can see what I am doing instead of finding some short cut fast route which would cause one to miss the simplest of all points.

I tried to find the source of the problem, like where have I before experienced or learned or picked up this giving up within self to not face self. I paused for some time, just focusing on breathe and looking for the point to bring here but never found it. I came to realize that this is an unconscious point that was taught to me unconsciously through friends and family. This point was not a deliberate point in where friends and family directed me saying “James give up and don’t face your problems” no. This point was learned without my awareness. I programmed myself without the intension, so through my participation with others giving up on themselves and not facing themselves which is socially accepted but in an unconscious sense. So say others are smoking cigarettes to not face themselves which they are than I come along and smoke for the same reason but have this lie that I do it for enjoyment. Whether I am aware or not, I support all reasons why one would smoke.

I came to see at the end of this communication with self that if I am giving up and supporting giving up than I am supporting all to give up on themselves and not face themselves. If I do what is required and face myself here in every moment as breathe than I am supporting all to do stand and face who they allow themselves to be.

Today I have had really light cravings but directing self and standing is way more effective to live, plus with the rewiring of my pre-existent idea of smoking and revealing what is actually was which help support the cravings to just be light to the point where I can face them instead of just submitting and falling every time.  I forgive myself whenever I think of a cigarette and stop the mind and its abuse. Cool stuff here and we will see if this point will be transcended by me.

Well thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed as I did.                                                         Always here James

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Starving the mind

So I went for a walk to focus on my breathe the night before and as soon as I went out the thought of a cigarette came over me and I told myself, “I am out here for breathe” so I started breathing for five minutes and started talking to myself out loud, in a direct way for self realization, because if I did thins in the mind it would pretty much just end up as a mind fuck and not as supportive as it would not be here with me aloud in the physical.

What I started talking about was me failing within my cigarette consumption and how this whole time I was not facing myself while smoking cigarette. I started with asking myself why do I even want to quit? Because for months I have been putting this point off and not actually dealing with it. I know it is because I don’t feel like I can will myself to do this, because I think I am to weak to handle such a point which is my cigarette addiction. So I realized that I my starting point in wanting to stop being a smoker was simply a point of fear. A fear of self destruction, a fear of death. I asked myself well what is this fear coming from? Obviously it was the from the consequence from being a smoker which was self destruction or death. I realized that this was not to be fear because it was just the consequecne when someone only considers to abuse themselves instead of supporting self.

I than told myself well the obvious consequence from being a non-smoker is supporting self to remain here and for me to support myself here, I must not have a starting point of fear or stop smoking because of fear because if I do than what am I allowing? I am allowing myself to be controlled by this fear and not controlling myself directing myself because if I feel forced or will be forced to quit smoking than I am still subjected to preprogramming or subject to the mind as fear. I told myself that I will be my consequence so that I am not controlled by prepregramming. I told myself that I will not be a smoker anymore out of fear of self destruction and that I will determine my consequence through my awareness instead of blindly going through life.

This whole time I never saw quiting a possibility. Like I always wanted to for about two years but never thought I could and I have forgave myself but never really live the forgiveness because I thought of self forgiveness as this mericle worker when it is in fact not. It is a great tool for self realization and seeing how one has accepted and allowed certain points within self but it is not magic and does not stop self, only self can stop self and that is through tools like self forgiveness, breathing, self corrective application, and self honesty.

When I woke up yesterday, I started breathing. Usually after I am done with breathing for ten minutes I will have this uncontrollable urge to smoke a cigarette. But yesterday I didn’t even pop up, no urge nodesire, no thought. I found this fascinating, and hours go by with still no intension for a cigarette. Finally in the afternoon I have a feeling that basically says”hey its cigarette time.”now this is the same feeling I get everyday when I crave a cigarette but this was more extremely light as it was not as controlling as it had been on me before in where I would normally feel like I HAVE TO have a cigarette. It was so light that I didn’t act on it. I was able to control myself to stop myself from being controlled by what I have accepted and allowed which was really interesting.

So I went the whole day without smoking one but than I fell. I smoked one around 10:00pm last night but when I smoked it, it was not a point of desire for one, it was more of the sense of me giving up, and not actually wanting to give up my self interest. So this point of me giving up will be discussed with tonight as I go for another walk so that I am clear with myself and can actually stop this whole cigarette point that I have been putting off for some time now. From what I see right now is that I smoked last night because I feel as if I have already gaven up on myself. This will be handled tonight as I said in where I will find the sorce of me and my giving up-ness.

Thanks for reading, always here James

Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Relationship And How Love Is Not Real

So I have been going out with my girlfriend for about six years. This is something that I should have written in my first blogs but really I just wanted this to be avoided, as I didn’t want to try and give up the love I have for my girlfriend Anna.

I had grew up mostly around Asians, so when I grew up and started to be attracted to girls it was Asians that I was attracted to and Anna is Asian.

While in high school when I was in tenth grade I wanted to go out with an Asian girl so much, it was like stuck in my head this picture that the perfect girl for me would be an Asian. Anna fit the picture as in my mind of who I wanted to have as a partner.

Now around this time she was deeply into her emotions because she never really had friends and was pretty much lonely. So she had fallen in love with me in short amount of time. When she told me this I felt special, wanted, like someone needed me, which feed my ego.

A little after I fell in love with her too and things seemed so perfect, I would leave my house late at night just to see her. We even slept on a school roof one time just so that we could be together. We did crazy things for each other just to be together to experience this mind agreement we both had on the idea of love. The interesting thing about this love though was that I did not experience this love while she was not present, this is why I went through great extremes to see her whenever I could so that I can have this mind drug of love that I defined her according to. When she was not with me I felt this emptiness and just sadness so it was a point of polarity where when I was with her I would feel blissful and completely satisfied, and then when it came to her not being with me I would drop in to a sorrow or become dissatisfied which created the love to feel or seem more real which was this polarity friction.

Now I am at a point where this is happening to me yet again. I was with her for a complete three years of seeing each other every day all day so I hardly missed her so I was filled on this love drug or mental chemical reaction for three years straight. The thing though was that I was that I was living with her the whole time in secrecy so her dad didn’t know the whole three years. It got to a point where we both were tired of living this way which was dishonest and she decided to go to the navy.

So she is currently in boot camp and I have not seen her for over a month and emotions kind of pore out of me. I stop them yes but never know where they really came from. I know it is due to all of the emotions I suppressed while being in love and basically not wanting to deal with them running away from my emotions with love weed and jokes all day, ignoring these emotions like they aren’t something I dare not face. This is just fear and the funny thing is that I always wonder how humans lived in fear, because desteni always explains that human’s beings live in fear and I just ignore that because to me the only fear I was aware of was bees. I see now though that I constantly live in fear by running and hiding away from my emotions, that is why I want love so much, that is why I joke so much, that is why I smoked so much, because I never wanted to face my emotions, because I never wanted to deal with the real me, because I always ran from what I experience myself as and now that I am writing this it is causing so much inner turmoil because this is what I have been trying to escape my whole life.

This love I had for Anna kept me away from all my fears. This is why I loved her so that I did not have to face myself. What is interesting is that I would have never realized this if I never wrote it. This love was never real; it was just a tool in which I used to not face myself. While being blinded by love I never gave myself the chance to support myself. I am afraid to support myself because I never actual had before I came across desteni and the tools they provide. They have you face you with no excuses.

Before I wrote this blog I wrote a letter to Anna and told her that I don’t want to be in a relationship based on love, I don’t want her on the top of my mental mind pyramid of who I value as more better than others. That our love is not real but the agreement we are in is real so I want to be in a relationship for what it is real which an agreement is. I’m sure she will see the commonsense in what I wrote about our love and how it is not real. If she doesn’t than either she stays in agreement with me or not her choice but I no longer want to base our relationSHIP that takes me on a cruise away from what I need to face. This is just my love for her, I will go into the mind further as I uncover more about this love I feel only when I’m with Anna, and since that is only when I experience this love than love is in fact not truth because truth is here at all times for all to see and stands the test of time like the physical reality we are in so love does not stand the test of time if it is not here always. Love is not real if comes when a person comes and goes when that person goes.

So this is what I got out of my love I created so far, thanks for reading, I enjoyed this.