Saturday, April 30, 2011

NOT KNOWING WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT IS PART OF MY BIG BAG OF LAZINESS

I always have some excuse to procrastinate, I have conditioned myself to be this big bag of laziness. I always wanted to blog ever since I watched a lot of desteni videos to investigate self, and writing myself to freedom but I always gave in too my laziness. I am actually the laziest person i know. I don't like the fact that I am lazy but i am so use to it I by accepting it so much that it is just who I am now. I see this and i no longer want it to be who i am. I didn't know of a website where one can blog on about oneself until seven months ago, this is when Joe Kou, a destonian, told me on my youtube account about blogspot. Now this was seven months ago, when I was told about blogspot, so im pretty sure you all can see how lazy I am. Its been seven months of me knowing about this site and not once did I tell myself to make an account to blog. So thats how I know I have conditioned myself into being this bag of laziness. The whole time I just hung out with friends playing games and smoking, thats "all" I did. -
So I forgive myself for accepting and allow laziness to be me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to be controlled by my conditioned laziness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate on investigating me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be honest by exposing myself for all to see.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my fears to control my very being.
- So I thought about blogging as soon as I woke up today, and started thinking, wtf do I write about. I had no idea, and I saw that as me being lazy. I almost excused myself from blogging because I didn't know what to write about. Not knowing what to write about when I fill my day with procrastinating bullshit. My laziness is a system inside me that I have created through my participation with laziness and always gets me no where. It gives me nothing, and the more I participate in it the more I fall into being lazy and seeing it as acceptable. What I have accepted to be me is not acceptable, I need to direct myself in order to stop this system that I have created through my constant and daily participation. No longer will I continue abusing the fact that I have a physical body that requires movement and breathe. When I participate in my laziness I don't pay attention to attention to my breathe meaning I am not here, meaning I exist as a system that I have created in the mind. My laziness is a big part of my ego as well, so I know this will take time and a lot writing to get rid of. So the next few blogs I do will most likely be about how lazy I am and how I don't stand because of it.
I pretty much do nothing all day, no responsibilities, and I almost didn't blog today. Where do i expect to end up with these unjustifiable non-actions? I will end up missing out on what life is really about by not knowing myself. By leaving all my actions on automatic like a robot because of this system called laziness. Who will I be but some system in the mind that goes nowhere with its repetitive actions. I no longer want this to be the  me that I've so until i have enough money for the desteni i process, I will continue to write and not continue as my laziness system/habit.

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