Thursday, May 12, 2011

Self Forgiveness on Living With Only My Mom

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of my dad as a bad man for hitting my mom in the face with a gun, when I did not know why he did it or what type of person he was back then.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my father before I even met him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that the only reason I had a shitty life was because my dad was never there to help out with money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my dad never cared about me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of god as my father since I never really had one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I needed a dad in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was missing something in myself which was a dad and felt like I needed to fill in that empty void which was only existent in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself a chance to realize that I did not need a father to exist and be here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I needed guidance from my a father like figure when I am here guiding myself in every moment as breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my father abandoned me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my father would someday come back for me and take care of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fell as if my mother had me too young a age.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my dad is not my father because he left and never came back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my father and blame him for me being the way that I am today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate Robert for whacking me with a bear harming my head.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run to my mother expecting attention from her after me getting hit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a bear on top of my brothers body for attention or just playing around which obviously caused consequence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like the attention I was getting from learning how to dance from my mom.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so mind possessed by music everyday because of learning how to dance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself by learning how to dance from my mom so that I can have attention from her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to learn how to dance just because I saw my mom dance all the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get jealous from my mother having more children just because I know that I was not going to get as much attention from her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I needed attention from my mom all the time which only caused me to separate myself from myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my sisters dad for swinging me so hard that I couldn't see anything but white and causing a lot of fear to exist inside of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an automatic response to run to my mom when I'm being hit by someone other then my mom.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my mom every time she hit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hit by my mom so much and say or do nothing to her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it is okay for you to get hit by your mother.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cause polarity with in myself by loving my mom but hating her at the same time because of all the times she hit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my sisters dad because he harmed me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go to my mom if I ever feared anyone or thing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate that my mom was never home because she was always out clubbing or working.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel neglected because my mom was always out doing something besides being with me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I need my moms attention to exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate Oscar for making me rub against Susie's daughter.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge Oscar.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like other baby-sitters just because I didn't get abused by them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get more interested into dancing more by friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get mad every time my mom got pregnant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am protected at all times by my mom.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that my mom slut for having so many kids from different dads.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother for the amount of children she had just because I was jealous.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate being hit by my mom almost everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think my mom was evil for hitting me almost everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about all the times my mom hit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and be on my mothers good side just to not be hit by her which is manipulation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my moms face every time she would be enraged.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have revengeful feelings towards Fred for hitting me and my brother.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think in my mind of was to get my mom back for all the times she hit me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate Fred for hitting me everyday he watched us.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Fred as he hit me everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think my next door neighbor was a messed up person because she wouldn't say anything about me and my brother screaming and crying everyday for a long time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate the fact that I was poor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be envious of all the kids at school because I could tell their parents had more money then me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like living with my aunt just because she had a nicer house and I felt like I got taken care of better.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that living without lights in the house was horrible.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate using candles instead of using lights in the house because we were poor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate going to bed with no dinner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate being lied to about being grounded with no dinner when really she was just too poor to have food everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger every time I had to wash my clothes in the bath tub, because we didn't have a washing machine.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enraged every time my pants got burnt when I had to dry them in the oven because I would leave them there too long.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad for living in a hotel for more then a year.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and escape my life by hanging out with friends just because I was ashamed to live in a hotel for so long.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad at my mom because we never in one house or place for too long because she was always struggling for money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to escape my moms one bedroom house with six to seven people living in it by having a girlfriend.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enraged at my mom for becoming a muslim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make fun of my mom for being muslim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of my mom as deceiver because she only turned muslim to have a man take care of her and all her kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my mom being married so fast just because she felt like she had nothing else to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in all of what church taught me about life, because it was all of the mind and fake.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rebel against my mothers decision in becoming a muslim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate living in Anaheim, because I couldn't escape from home anymore by being with my girlfriend.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy my brother fighting with my mothers husband because I personally didn't like him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate how short tempered my moms husband was which made me not like the guy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and escape my life again by living with a friend.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see what it was that I was doing to myself this whole time which was escaping what my mom created and what I created.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be able to see what it was that I was doing to myself until now, which clears a lot of things up in my life.

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