Tuesday, May 24, 2011

self forgiveness on feelings towards my dad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judgement when my mom told me that my dad hit her in the face with a gun.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my dad from hearing a story that he was cheating on my mom.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to torture myself through the fourteen years my dad was not there.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slave myself to my mind just because I never had a father.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself just because I went into self pity for not having a father.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my life hell just because I felt empty not having a dad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek attention because I felt like I never got enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wonder why Susie's kids had fathers and why I didn't.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad and left out when my mom told me that our dad had left me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for the father that left me, when I went to laundry-mats when I was a child.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find the missing father I never had.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like it was not fair that other children had fathers just because I didn't.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad about never finding my dad inside of laundry-mats when I was younger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my emotions of sadness cause me to tell my mom how sad I was that other kids had fathers and that I didn't.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to agree that my mom was my mom and my dad just because I didn't have one and felt like I needed one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy that my mom offered to be my father as well when in reality it did nothing and was nothing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as polarity by having all these up and down roller coaster feelings about my dad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become and feel empty because of my missing father.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pray to god every night and ask him for my missing dad to come back.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame god for my dad not being there for me when it was my feelings that made it seem like my dad needed to be there for me based on how shitty I thought my life was.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pray to god every night about returning my missing dad to me to save me from the "hell" I lived in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to leave my mom just because of how anger she would get everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to abandon my mom just because of the lack of money she had.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave my mother because of all the time I got hit by her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate living with my mom because I didn't get to eat all the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to leave my mom because of how off tend it was that we moved.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of god as my father since my father never came back to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to have a dad so much when in reality I never had one so the want was irrelevant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my dad as some savior when the fact of the matter was that he didn't give a shit.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of god as my father just because I believed that we are all gods children, which I learned from chruch.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to call god my father and dad every night that I prayed for years.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad when my mom found my dad but at the same time happy because I thought I was finally going to get some money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my dad for my life feeling so fucked up.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to move with my dad just because of the poor living style I lived in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if my dad owed me because of not being there my whole life financially.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad that I hardly saw my dad even after I found him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have high expectations when I went to go visit my dad.
I forgive mysefl for accepting adn allowing myself to be mad that I had lived with my grandma instead of my dad.
I forgive mysefl for accepting and allowing myself to want my father to buy me things after I found him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to catch up with my father.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go even further into depression because of my father not being there for me even after I found him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like my dad did not give a shit a about me and to let that effect me emotionally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my feeling towards my father not caring about me effect me by only trying to have fun for the past six years.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself to try and forget my life by doing drugs and having fun.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck myself over for six years for blaming my dad for my shitty lifestyle.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysefl to believe in the law of attraction just because I was into meditation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself to believe that the law of attraction worked for me just because I always had weed and gain a lot of information from meditating.
I frogive myself for acceptign and allowing myself to think and believe that my dad needed to support me financially just because I saw that he had a lot of money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask my dad to pay for SRA courses from desteni.
I forgive mysefl for accepting and allowing myself to try and count on my dad when realistically he was never there to be counted on.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never see that I was to count on myself on not my father this whole time from when I first thought that I never had a dad to take care of me.

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