Friday, May 6, 2011

Self Forgiveness On My Sexual Behaviors

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so effected by first sexual experiences just because I couldn't stand for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my whole life with the belief that I am a victim all the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to agree with doing something for Oscar just because I wanted to watch t.v. longer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to agree with all of what Oscar asked me to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say that I was doing what Oscar wanted me to do which was being inside of my friend which I wasn't
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to agree with Susan's daughter that we would never tell anyone just because we were so scared.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too scared to do nothing about.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and make a deal with Oscar when I had no idea what he was going to offer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let this experience be the cause of who I am today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to masturbate at the age of twelve, thus causing me to be as sexually active as I am today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being happy or satisfied.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be interested in porn instantly, and not consider why I was being shown the porn.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the 21 year old to ask me questions that I felt uncomfortable answering.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and hate gay men because I this experience with the 21 year old.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think gay people are disgusting and have something wrong with them, they are part of this reality too.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I'm better then gay people just because one tried to take advantage of me when I was young.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only run away from what happens to me as if it solved anything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I need sex from my girlfriend more than twice a week when I know she doesn't like do it that many times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I need to masturbate in order to make up for the days my girlfriend doesn't want to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider how my girlfriend feels about having sex so constantly. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch so much porn in order to masturbate. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I need sex just because my mind wants it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stare at my girlfriends body parts most of the day just to please my mind, it is inconsiderate and causes me to do it to other women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for women to check out intentionally or automatically.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to after looking at other women all day I then want to have sex with my girlfriend.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to harass my girlfriend as we go to sleep by me holding her breast. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold my girlfriends breast at night even though she hates it, showing that I don't care about what others think, as long I'm happy it doesn't matter
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish in not considering that my girlfriend doesn't like me holding her breast.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be perverted which is selfish and inconsiderate towards all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed other womens attraction for attention by looking at what they are showing off, breast butt, legs etc.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold my girlfriends breasts almost every night, which just is feeding my sex addiction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my self interests and ego grow by paying so much attention to all of my sexual habits.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so sexually abusive with my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so influenced by my sexual behavior.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just touch my girlfriend when ever I look at her.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the pornography that I watch when I'm sure the Oscar and the 21 year old did whatever it was that they did to me because they watch porn as well.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to porn, sex and masturbation.

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