Sunday, May 29, 2011

self forgiveness on not seeing money as the issue

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that money has shaped my very being for being who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my thoughts feelings and emotions to blind when I was younger from seeing that money is why I am the way that I am today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to money as the issue.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my moms neglect on me being who I am today.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed into my emotions when we didn't have utilities in all the houses we lived in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cry when I got sent to bed with no dinner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my moms blame on my bad behavior for not having food before I went to sleep some times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about having to wash clothes when I should have seen that this is how we have to live.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my thought demon every time I felt like life was too hard.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get mad when our clothes got burnt by the stove.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see all the energetic experiences I had were who I was but really there I was just born into a poor family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mom absence from work as an excuse to why I should have fun with life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to steal toys from other kids at school just because my mom couldn't get me some.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to steal playing cards from other kids at school.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that lack of money was the reason why I didn't have toys or cards and that is what caused the idea of me to steal them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate having to move and not being able to keep friends for longer then a year because of how frequent we moved from house to house.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate moving around so much in either worse or slightly better conditions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have moving around a lot effect me in my effectiveness in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous that my mother would have more kids taking away what little attention I got from her while I was younger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate living with my aunts because of how frequently I moved from place to place.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger as a child while moving from school to school never holding any friends, when I was not suppose to go to school because of friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others knowing that I use to live in a hotel because of my ego not wanting me to look poor when I was, this hiding who I was at the time which was poor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care about what others might think if they had found out that I lived in a hotel, out of fear of being being poor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts feeling and emotions about my living condition with so many people in one house when the real problem was lack of money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate everyday that I spent in that one bedroom house with eight people in it, which caused me to want to be outside the whole time with friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother for becoming Muslim, which was to find someone support us financially.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to call my mother a terrorist because she turned Muslim and I resented it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mind to express what I thought of my mom as instead of seeing that she was doing what she was thought to do which was have someone support her and her family she created.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my anger feelings towards my mother, when I was just existing as the mind which was not real; what was real was that she needed money to support her family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not like my moms husband because of how angry he was all the time, when I did not know him and how his life was.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of my moms husband as a terrorists just because I always made jokes about everything to not see exactly what was here which was that he was deciding to support my mother and her six kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and dress nicely all the time because of how poor I really was, as an act to hide who I was, which was poor.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dress as a lie to try and impress others to see that I have money I never really did.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my friend bail me out of my shitty poor life when all I did was run from who I was.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell drugs just because I hated working because I felt like I have been through enough struggling in life when that simply was not the case.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go back to my moms when I had chosen to leave her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my girlfriend support me which is me not supporting myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my girlfriend go to the navy because she feels like she needs to support both of us.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be in school because I would rather be drinking smoking weed and having fun with friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others or god for what I am experiencing as thoughts feelings and emotions when it is through my acceptance and allowance that I am the way that I am because of me, I am to blame for me and I and responsible for me and I will do what is necessary to become what is best for all at all times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and be blinded by the fact that money was what was the problem the whole time, and thinking that others and mother was to blame.

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