Saturday, May 28, 2011

self forgiveness on not seeing my drawing as self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw out of separation from self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw because I wanted to escape from my poor living conditions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw because of my self interest by only drawing what I desire and not considering to draw towards what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw characters out of obsession instead of seeing my desire to draw was from escaping how hard my life was.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw out of separation from self for so many years.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to notice that my drawing attracted others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change my drawing beliefs into ever deeper separation by attracting friends to notice my drawings to become my friends.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate people intentionally by drawing in class for people to notice me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw for attention when the only attention that is required for me is breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that me drawing was really for self enjoyment but instead I used it for other self reasons that caused me to separate myself from myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for other kids that drew to try and become friends with them just for more attention and wanting to show off how good I was at drawing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to fear being alone for this is why I have tried to seek for so much attention by showing off how "good" I can draw, hence keeping me from seeing that I am alone and my drawing should be for self enjoyment and not to attract other to notice my drawings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw for money also another way of gathering friends for my fear of aloneness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw for money for person things just because my mom couldn't buy thing for me to fit my ego because of her money issues.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw cartoon women for my own pleasure and others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw cartoon women just because I was possessed by how women looked like so I would draw them to make them look better.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my idea that women are sexy by drawing cartoon women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell cartoon women drawings for money which made it accepted for self on a deeper level of deceit and separation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to replace my drawing with drugs and alcohol stopping me from ever seeing that I can draw for self enjoyment and that I can expand with in that.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my started point of drawing to be of separation instead of seeing it as self expansion and self enjoyment.

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