Thursday, June 2, 2011

Alcohol

Before I ever drank alcohol my mentality on it was that alcohol was accepted by all adults, I thought it was the adult thing to do. I wondered why grown up drank it, I never really knew the effects of alcohol. 

The first time I ever saw anyone drunk was a friend that I had to take home, she was so dumb I thought. She took forever to explain where she lived and When we finally got to her house I had to leave her outside and talked to her parents and told them hay she was drunk, I left after that and realized that she left her phone in my car. I told myself that I would never drink and a few weeks down the road I started drinking.

I never really got drunk because I seemed to have somewhat of a high tolerance which also caused me to drink abusively. Every time I drank in the past I never woke up with a hang over. What influenced me to drink was the people I hung out with, every night they found a party and I would go and drink with them. I was seventeen when I first started and I thought of it as fun. I always believed that more of my personality came out but really everything that came out was more automatic then anything.

After a while I then began to wake up with headaches and feeling like shit but only every once and a while. I look back at it now and it was all just a waste of time. Now when I drink I make sure it only a little because I'll feel really hot the next day, I have a stuffy nose and just hate how feel. The last time I drank was a few days ago and asked myself why? I know really it's because I feel like my life is hard but by drinking I am only making it harder on myself, there is nothing I benefit from alcohol except a night of fun that I hardly remember sometimes. 

I have learned that alcohol literally shuts down ones memory system. I was thinking the other day well how am i going to forgive myself for things if i am washing away my problems with alcohol, I can't so from now I on I will no longer see alcohol as acceptable or allowed. I will stop this pointless poison that stops me from taking responsibility for what I've accepted and allowed, which was abuse on all levels, physical and mental

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