Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Breathe And My Migraines

My whole entire life I have been breathing but hardly ever exist as breathe. I would always be stuck in my mind, talking to myself about others, about how shitty my life was, talking and praying to god, judging everything that didn't make sense to me, having feeling towards other people and defining people according to these feelings, having opinions about things based on self interests, always in my mind always thinking and never shutting up. I can see how I always had migraines because of this constant chatter I had in my mind.

Ever since I was little I would get the worse migraines ever, at least once a month and they were paralyzing to the point where I would miss school because of these migraines. They would intensify whenever I would look at lights or hear something loud. I would wake up with them, and when I had them as a child I would just lay down in bed for hours crying. I never really got taken to the doctors because of this and my mom always offered headache medicine but they never worked so I stopped taking them as I saw them as a waste of time. I remember that I would get them either randomly or if I didn't eat and there were a lot of times where I couldn't eat because of lack of money my mom had. I can't really recall where I got this information but I got told when I was around thirteen headaches and migraines are due to lack of oxygen to the brain, so I figured the next time I get a migraine that I will lay down and breath it away. Surprisingly it worked and every time I got a migraine I would breathe it away but it took five to ten minutes every time. I continued to breath every time I got a migraine when ever I remembered about this remedy up until I was nineteen. Also what made them go away would be if I ate something, sometimes almost instantly so I'm sure lack of food was the problem.

I was nineteen when I started smoking weed daily and I noticed after a month I had absolutely no headaches at all. I knew this was because of the weed I smoked so I continued to smoke weed suppressing the migraines I had lived with my whole life and that I wanted to badly to get rid of. The whole three years I smoked weed I had gotten no migraines and totally forgotten how bad they were. I had gotten my medical license when I was twenty to get weed from medical shops and the reason I was able to was because I told the doctor that evaluated me that I would get unbearable migraines. I than had a medical license for two years that expired this year in February. This was when I stopped smoking weed as much because my girlfriend threatened me that we would not get married if I still smoke weed. I continued to smoke after that for about two months or so behind her back and finally quit like a month or two ago.

I thought that whole time that I smoked weed that my headaches were cured because of weed but all it did was suppress my migraines even further. When I quit smoking weed daily my migraines had returned, but this time with more of an intense sharp pain. The migraines had really immobilized me from doing anything even eating. They came daily so I started using my breathe to try and rid of them but they were just to hard to get rid of even with food and breathe so I started taking extra strenght pills to help me get rid of these horrible migraines. I figured that the reason that they were so intense was because of the years of suppression. This lasted for about a month of daily migraines and I only got them when I didn't eat which is not a lot.

Now I hardly have migraines, and now when I get them I know breathe will make them go away. That month of everyday intense migraines was my consequence for smoking weed everyday for three years to try to run away from my problems and not face them. Me writing myself to freedom is clearing my head up a lot, and I feel the difference in the thoughts that I don't have anymore, the way I participate with breathe more now then always in the mind with the rambling thoughts that aren't here; it's almost like a sense of freedom, I know I have a long way to go with in writing myself out but I feel and see the difference thus far so I will push through these points and everything that needs to be cleared in the name of equality breathe by breathe and step by step.

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