Saturday, June 11, 2011

Self Forgiveness On My Reading And Words

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was a slow reader just because more then the average student read faster then me, this is separation of self and is allowing myself to say that I am less than when this is not the case, I am to read for my understanding and not theirs, my reading is for me and for people to judge me as a poor reader is allowing limitation on self, I am limitless for I am to expand daily but only if I allow myself to do so, if I allow others to judgement to be me then I will certainly not expand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about how others thought of my reading skills when all this did was was influence me to believe that I was a crappy reader and caused me to not improve on my reading skills, the belief I had from others judgement's was not real, it was my mind directing me to be what everyone said I was which was not real either, I am real and if I want to enhance my reading skills then I obviously have to push myself a lot more to read as effectively as others, not worry about how they think of me because I am human too and I have the opportunity to be just a good a reader as anyone else, but if I am listening to judgement's from others and believing those judgement's to be true then I will not expand and I will only fall and fail in becoming effective as a reader or towards anything else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be effected by others judgement's and opinions on how good or bad I can read when I am to make sure that I am understanding what it is that I am reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on others thoughts on how I read, those judgement's were not real and only would cause me to not want to push myself to be an effective reader, I am effective and I am the one that directs my reading not my mind, not my judgement's that I got from others, and not my opinions that I got from others and myself, if I seem slow at reading or processing whatever it is that I am reading then I am to read more and more and more to push my self through the points that I am scared to exist as, I am the one that allowed this fear to be me with my acceptance and I am not scared of what other think of me I am here expanding as self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment, this was self created through self doubt and by me believing others opinions about me, I am not to feel embarrassed or accept it as me, I am to direct myself in taking self responsibility to stand as self and move self accordingly by becoming a more effective writer and reader.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel embarrassed when I was always last to finish coping notes from the board, me accepting this embarrassment was only what caused me to fear not expanding myself to become the best that I can be at writing effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel separate from the world and everyone else because I believed in others judgement's, this was me lying to myself to keep me from becoming the best me that I could be, thus me causing me to not expand in every opportunity or chance I got, instead I would not want to face this problem of not reading or writing effectively because I was to scared to face myself because of the judgement's I believed in and the doubts I carried in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as stupid and illiterate because of the limitations I believed myself  to exist as because of the judgement's I placed on myself and the judgement's I believed from others about me and my reading and writing skills which were not real; what was real was that I need to work on self and self expand in every moment so that I can become effective, these judgement's I lived as in mind would keep me from seeing this, and these beliefs I had about myself would keep me from expanding and becoming self responsible and from facing self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly exist as my back chat by comparing other speed in reading to my speed in reading, this is not self support at all and is only me not seeing that I am inferior to all the students; me living as my back chat only kept me from knowing that I have to work on myself and that I am to expand and continue to expand without limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask myself questions in my back chat as to why other are faster then me at reading when this was only because of my ego was not on top so it had to submit to the judgement's others placed on me so that I can have the excuse and justification to not expand self; I direct me, not judgement's or opinions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of others being able to read faster then me so this jealousy that I accepted caused me to read too fast for me to understand or comprehend whatever it was that I would read as I got older; I was so caught up in trying to be like everyone else that I did not consider myself in the equation of becoming equal in reading speed so I separated myself from myself to try to be like others, I am me and I am to read for me to comprehend what I am reading and if I don't comprehend it then I will have no problem trying to figure out what it is that I'm reading because I am to understand to expand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated at myself because of how stupid I felt because of how slow I read, this frustration was only me distracting me from actually being here and seeing that I have to practice to practically become an effective comprehensive reader.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so separate from me as a reader that I could not understand anything that I would read, a consequence for choosing to exist as the mind which I paid for and will not happen again, I am the reader for me and I will understand what I am reading because I will not be stuck in comparison while reading and I will not be trapped in judgement's that are not real and that are not here, I am here and so are the words that I have to read so I will read them with nothing else going on expect breathe; I read as breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become annoyed with myself because of how many times I would have to read a page over or a question over to fully understand it, I did that to myself and was a point of separation as a reader for self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect myself from reading by leaving me out of the equation of understanding what I had to read by reading too fast to understand because of the judgement's I held on to in my mind because I desired too much to be like everyone else, pure self abuse and I no longer need this to be me, I am not the mind for it only makes things more complicated then they actually are, the simple part is that reading is me, so I am to read for me, not to read and try to be like others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that me worrying about me looking dumb in front of others because of how slow I read was because of the judgement's and beliefs I had about myself and the judgement's and beliefs that I agreed with that others said about me, my comprehension in reading is only because of me being scared of facing myself as the doubts I accept with in my mind, those doubts are not real but if I believe in them then there is a price I have to pay called consequence in where I will accept and allow myself to continue to exist as a none comprehensive reader.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself from seeing that others are better then me at reading only because I let myself be so distracted by mind as thought feelings and beliefs so that I can't expand because I won't allow myself to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so caught as the mind by pay attention to the judgement's and beliefs I had about my reading skills that I never gave myself the chance to see that I am reading for me and my understanding and that I can expand my reading skills for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the opportunity see that I blocking myself from reading comprehension because I was existing too much as the mind and not seeing that I am to have an understanding of what I read and not just zoom through the words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others because of the ideas I believed in my mind about how slow I read compared to all others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold vague understandings on certain words thus not giving myself a clear path and understanding whenever I read or come across certain words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have a clear definition on certain words causing me to read slowing whenever I come across a certain word when ever I read them; if there is a word that I don't understand then I am to take responsibility for what is here and fix the problem which in this case would be to look in a dictionary, otherwise I will pass a word up not understanding it and having some false information that I am presenting myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to others sometimes and act like I would know what I was talking about just to feel accepted, this is separation of self and I am here, I am valid, and I accept myself, and I am to know with absolute certainty what I am talking about and existing as otherwise I am only lying to others and self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be quick to judge like I know everything when in actuality I know nothing when I judge, these quick judgement's I have are out of lack of me understanding and I am to fully understand something in order to have a conclusion in self honesty instead of assuming or judging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the opportunity to understand what it is that I read because of all of the doubts I never wanted to face, this was me abdicating responsibility from myself as reading, I no longer will accept this for I will read a lot more daily and expand myself as a reader till the end of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never consider loving my neighbor, instead I've compare myself to my neighbor which was never real only in the mind and existing as separation from what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never actually consider supporting myself effectively towards reading, I know this is because I have chosen to live as the mind this whole time that I would read previously, through believing that I'm dumb, and by believing that I cannot be as good as others at reading, etc. none that was real, the only thing that is real is my expansion in reading by me effectively supporting myself and directing myself through this supportive process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry this whole time about how others thought of my reading, what they think or say should have no impact on my reading, I am the one that controls my reading and I am the one to impact myself in an effective and supportive way towards my reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that reading is for me, even if I'm reading out loud it is for me because I am reading, so I am to read and that's it, no thoughts, no judgement's, no beliefs and ideas, no agreeing with others with in their judgement's, only me here reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that reading is not about how fast or slow or any form of comparison, this implies separation and only keeps one from expanding in expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create such a mess of myself and not even see any of what I existed as as a mess and as abuse towards self and as self neglect, all of this could have been prevent if I had not chosen to exist as the mind to distract me from what really matters which is the physical reality, and with my participation with the mind only causes one to abdicate self from self responsibility.

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