Friday, July 15, 2011

daily writing of day 2


i woke up today and paid attention breathe right away as i always do, but this time instead of keeping my eyes shut i kept them open. there were no thoughts no feelings or emotions that came up. i laid down and paid attention to my breathe for a ten to fifteen minutes, and as soon as i decided to wake up to do my daily work out my whole entire dream that i had while sleeping had flashed into my mind in an instant, basically in one berathe, so i saw the whole thing instantly and it was an interesting dream.

it started off where i was writing a blog lol, and it was about self honesty. it was a long blog and it was on this designed piece of paper. i then set it down and then a random ass scene comes up and i then become this third person view of watching the dream and i was watching these robots fightins on top of this hill like it was their hill and they owned it(the robots). to me the robots were dying off quickly till there were three more. what i saw the robots existing as were the systems that i accept and allow myself to be because of how they were on top protecting themselves only like the robots were my beliefs and that my beliefs wanted to stay on top but were becoming deleted because of the self honesty that i was discovering, i say that they were fighting against the self honesty that i was explring is because  before the scene changed to robots i was writing a blog about self honesty. and in the dream i know that every character in it is an expression that im expressing so that every character is me so the robots were me and the blog about self honesty was me and that they systems/ robots were being rewired/ changed. fasinating stuff.

i then eat and start thinking wtf, why is there such little to eat, i thought this because i usually had food all the time whenever i asked and what ever i wanted or desired because my girlfriend would buy me food everyday for three years, so now that im back at my moms i think it sucks because i dont have that constant food addiction because there is hardly shit to eat here. its just because she is out of food stamps. this is no excuse for my anger but simply why i chose to think through participating with the mind that is use to getting whatever food i want. there are billions that starve with no food for days and here i am bitching about the lack of food my mom has. how deluded can i be.

i wrote my girlfriend another letter today and she called. i was so happy because i havent talked to her for three to four weeks. at the same time i felt sad because of how she was crying the whole phone conversation. the reason why i connected to her crying and felt sad was because of me not being able to write her for these three to four weeks that she has been gone for.

i then go on to have a conversation with my mother about her muslim religion which i think that i still hate, this emotion is because of the value i have on muslims which that they are an agressive religion and that they kill in the name of god like the jihad which is basically a holy war where the muslims expand their religion through agression. my back chat was telling me the whole time how much my mom brain washed herself to this religion.

i stayed and watched two of my moms kids while she took the other three to the park. i told all the kids that we are going to have s form of time out in where we all are going to sit and practice on  only breathing for ten whole minute straight, and they did. the reason and meaning behind this is because of how how crazy theses kids alway are. i told them that we are going to be doing this everyday so that they know stability ability so that they are not that constantly stealing food, hitting each other, being greedy, ect.so everyday for a month they will do this so that they know how to be calm here instead of being so rambunkious all the time. well im going to turn this in bfore i fall asleep and dont turn this in thanks for reading.

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