Monday, July 18, 2011

self forgiveness on my thoughts, feelings, and emotions yesterday

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of being relieved that my younger siblings were not home, it was only for a few hours, they are here with me and i am just saying that i cannot deal with others, separating myself from my siblings whether they are here or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that cannot tolerate my siblings because of the beliefs i hold about them, like labeling them as demons and not viewing myself one and equal to them, i support the same system that is allowing them to be who they are by holding this belief about them being annoying or distracting, this value that supports my belief about my younger siblings are not real and not me taking responsibility for what is here in this physical reality that i am participating daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excited because the kids were gone, this feeling is fake because i created through the mind because of how much i hate being around them, this excitement is me lying to myself just because the reason i had this excitement is because of my hated towards my younger siblings is not real either, it is because i decide to not be here as breathe at all times and allow my younger siblings to get on my nerves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience excitement because if the lack of breathe i exist as, i choose to not be here in every breathe so i choose to be possessed by the mind and have such abusive thoughts towards life and my younger siblings, these thoughts and feelings are not who i am as life, i am breathe as life and that is what i am to choose to exist as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anger just because things didnt go my way, when things are not going my way then i know that i am possessed by the mind because i am not here as breathe, because then if i was being here as breathe than i would not be controlled by anger, and i would not have a way except paying attention to breathe that is what my mind should exist as not some desire that i want to make real, breathe is real and is what i am to be in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience polarity within feelings and emotions, this was caused because of how much i like boba, which i was first excited for, then found out the store was closed and went into anger, on a polarity ride of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall within myself process because i am so use to being the mind instead of being here as breathe in every moment, when i am not my breathe me as my mind is finding ways for me to mind fuck myself into polarity and thus causing friction for me to remain as a slave to the mind and its possessions that i allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of emotions in my head from thoughts because of what i thought, "what are we going to do no" becoming disappointed because  i have to complain and create this feeling of excitement just for it to go back to emotions playing the polarity game in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by my mind by thinking that i need to check out women to be here, how can it get more simple then to just breathe to be here, instead of expecting or predicting an outcome that is not sure to come, that is the mind for me and i should not have to go through these mistakes to realize this.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect there to be girls that i could check out at the mall, by doing this i am living in self dishonesty and i will not be here as who i am as live if i am living as such separation.(self dishonesty)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts about how nasty the food was at the mall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts on being disappointed in how i thought the girls were ugly down here, me thinking about how ugly the girls are is just a mind possession that i allowed myself to exist as and is me lying to myself on what women really are as life, i separate them with the comparison i give them to other women, they are all women they all do the same shit and they all have the same features, now they may be different in expression but no matter what the fact of the matter is that women are all the same just different in expression, and for me to judge them or separate them in my mind is delusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thoughts of the cats being big as hell and that i wanted to pet them just because of how big they were, it does not matter how big or small a cat is, they are the same and for me to accept this thought is for me to accept and allow separation, does not matter how big or small the separation is, no matter what it is still separation that i allow myself to participate in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself on how good i did on being here as breathe, that is no way of taking self responsibility, i am to see what i exist as in self honesty and forgive the points where i see that i fall in and correct and live this correction as me as who i am so that i am not the mind as separation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the mind as separation by being self dishonesty by judging myself for not being here as breathe, it does not matter how good or bad i am at breathing, it matters how effective i am in standing for self in every moment in self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts of me wanting to leave because i was in the heat waiting for my siblings to get out of church, this complaining was not going to get me out, it was only going to cause me to act out and live this frustration that i accepted myself to be controlled by.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate the muslim religion, i am one and equal to it because it is here, hating it will not delete it from reality, seeing it for what it exist as will stop it and seeing that it is not what is best for all will delete it so the hatred i experience for this religion is a lie to self and is not standing for anything except the mind which is also the same reason why religion was created because people existed as the mind to make it up and create it, so my anger towards the religion is made up and created as well not real here, physically.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dragging my little brother because i wanted to challenge my moms directions out of amusement and out of spite because of the frustrations i allowed because of the heat, i would not want to be dragged so what i did was abusive no matter what excuse i can think of or how bored i was, i cannot justify my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts of my little brother having to stay extra hours to practice his arabian text when he is not even the race, these thoughts did nothing for me or my brother and take responsibility for nothing except living as separation in the mind.

I forgive myeslf for accepting and allowing myself to experience emotions of anger because of the thoughts that created it, this emotion i experienced was a lie from the starting point which were my thoughts that took no responsibility for anything except supporting the minds separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts of my mom allowing my little brother to be brainwashed with their religion, these thoughts are self dishonest, these thoughts take responsibility for supporting myself to exist only as the mind at all times instead of me living here in every moment as breathe.

I forgive myeslf for accepting and allowing myself to blame my other for letting my brother spend extra time learning him muslim text when he just stood for three hours doing nothing but concentrating on how much his feet hurt, i allowed this too and judging my mom as stupid is only calling myself stupid as well because i was there to before he went and i could have said something as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have emotions of anger because of what happened to my brother, the emotions take no responsibility for what happened and do support me here as breathe to see clearly why things are the way they are.

I forgive myself for acceptign and allowing myself to have thoughts of my dog being annoying because i cannot concentrate on my vlog while my dog is barking, he is a dog and is doing what dogs do, me existing as my mind is what did not allow me to see this and thus allowed anger to build to eventually want the dog in the cage, i would not like to be in a cage for talking but that is basically what i did to the dog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by my anger and my thoughts and put the dog in his cage because of my ignorance.

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