Tuesday, July 19, 2011

daily writing 7/18/11 my day

(thought) " I should forgive myself for the abuse i accepted and allowed myself to exist as yesterday" i did and took about an hour or less.

(thought)"I am hungry, and all im eating for breakfast is fucking an egg mc muffin" (emotion) anger because having so little to eat.(thought) "well its not that bad, at least i and eat a carrot and plum, then work out.

(emotion) was anger because my vlog didnt upload (thoughts)"my moms computer fucking sucks, why the fuck does it always fail to upload more then once every time." "i hate this computer.'' "cheap ass internet this shit always happens.""why dont you just fucking upload"

i started printing out pictures for my girlfriend because she is in bootcamp(thought) "mom you better make it in time for the post office or ima be pissed" (emotion) mad because i thought she wasnt going to make it in time for the mail to be shipped out today. i then become possessed by this and call my mom as soon as she leaves to make sure she gave my mail to the post office.

i was layed down waiting for my video and started breathing because i caught myself being anger because of the video not uploading which took hours, then my mom got home and sat on a chair next to me and i looked at her stomach(thought)"man your fat" saw this and stopped it as well because i noticed i was judging and went back to breathing. the kids went on the computer and opened a tab (emotion) angry because the reason that the video doesnt upload is because the internet sucks so if someone else uses the internet in my house then it interrupts the uploading process(thought) "fucking kids never listen, how many times do i have to tell them to get off the computer" i told them to get off and that if my video doesnt upload properly then they cant do anything till it is finsihed uploading. it eventually uploaded(feeling) happy cuz the video uploaded. (thought) "finally this shit worked properly""freaking kids got lucky"

(thoughts) "i want a cigarette fuck man."

(thoughts) "man my moms husband better never think of laying a hand on my mom, what would i do, i know anyone else would fuck the man up but if i wanted to handle the situation then what should i do, is he stronger then me, i will just pull him off and call the cops" i was playing out a scene in my head just in case this ever happened.

well that was the thoughts feelings and emotions i experienced today and have a lot to forgive here and correct. thanks for reading

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