Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Thoughts, Feelings, And Emotions Of The Day 7/20/11

I wake up today listening to this muslim melody my sister was watching.( thought)”how fucking annoying, I hate this fucking song it’s so fucking annoying ass song, what the fuck is this bullshit?” (Emotion) anger because of the thoughts I was having about the song. (Thoughts) were repeating the melody for at least an hour in my head (thought while having this melody) “fuck now this shit is stuck in my head, and I can’t get it out because of how much I hate it.” (More thoughts on the same point)”I just fucked myself because of how much of the emotion of hate I have towards this melody and muslims.” (Thoughts while the melody is continuing in my head)” if I breathe it will go away.” I proceed with breathing and I can hear the song in the back of my head still while breathing. (Thoughts)” fuck the value I have on this melody and muslims is too strong for me to just breathe this away.” (Thoughts) “Im going to have to talk this out of me, I have to face it and bitching about in my mind and hating it is causing it to be worse.” So I was walking and talking for a half an hour to myself in self honesty and got the song out of my head and I know how to handle the situation now if I allow this to possess me again.

My mom then calls me and tells me that my girlfriend sent me a letter from boot camp. (Feeling) Excitement because for a whole month I have had only one phone call from her and no letters. (Thoughts)” I can’t wait to read it man this is gay that we haven’t been in contact this whole time.” (Emotions) sad because of the thought I had previously of not being in contact with her.

I then read the letter and see that her brother gave me the wrong address to where she is stationed at.(thoughts) “FUCK NO MAN, this whole fucking time I haven’t even been in contact with her, and now I fucking find out that I have been sending her mail to the wrong address, I can’t believe this shit, I wonder how she feels because she has not received one fucking letter from me the whole time she has been stressing out in boot camp and no one else is there to support her through writing except me, damn this can’t be, why does shit like this have to happen.” (Emotion) just felt like shit or just really down or overwhelmed on her not receiving letters from me the whole time.

When I read the letter she says that she caught the flu(thought) “damn vaccine shots, I know that’s why you are sick, fuck the navy fuck the government for their stupid unnecessary actions, making my baby sick, fuck them man.” Then I saw that I was only blaming them and stopped participating in that thought. Well that was pretty much it today or at least the main things that I was aware of. Thanks for reading and self forgiveness will be applied on all the thoughts feelings and emotions I experienced today that I was aware of.

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