Thursday, October 27, 2011

Self Dimishment/ Survival Through Working

I had been living with my wife in secrecy for around two years. I got tired of living in such a dishonest way and talked to my wife about it. After weeks of talking about what are we going to do to get out of this situation she decided to join the navy as they have benefits for housing medical and other basic living requirements. She has to be enlisted for four years and it is going to be pretty rough on her but this is what we have to do in order to sustain us. She has the third dangerous job in the world as a ABE and what she does is control chaos. She has to load the jets onto a catapolt and retrieve them. Where ever she is going I basically have to go and since we are married she gets more pay.

She was in bootcamp for two months and this was a month before I started process of redefining the old me that dont give a shit about anything except my own self interests to a person that is caring and considerate of any and everything here. I blogged for a month straight everyday for self support self realisation and for sponsorship so that because I do not have the money to pay for my DIP so I needed assistance within that from someone I do not know which I thank dearly for.

I then moved to my mothers while she was in bootcamp for two months and decided to start vlogging because i saw how it assisted and supported other destonians within self realisation and becoming comfortable with self and understanding how to converse more effectively. Living with my mother was the same as anywhere else just with different people rules; the way it was the same was because it I had to take responsibility for all that I participated in just like anywhere else.

After two months of basically having all this free time to work on myself my wife is stationed in florida where my dad happens to live. This is where my process begins to hault per se. I am not complaining but this was just another thing I had to be responsible for. I move in with my dad and we agree that I am going to work for him at his shop. Now had no problem at all with this agreement and saw it for what it was, another responsibility. My dad is a working man and what he calls it is ''making moves'' which i find funny as hell but that is what he calls it. All my dad does is work ALL day. We wake up and work and go straight to work lifting furnature all day or going to storage autions for his thirft shop that he owns. There were a lot of cases where we dont eat for long periods of time because of the ammount of work we did; not a complaint just an example of how offtend we worked. I never worked so hard in my life; put it that way.

When I got to his house the first week of work I knew that it was going to stop me from being so constant with my desteni i process because when we got home we were just exhausted and just ate and fell asleep and repeated the same thing everyday seven days a week. Now my dad was showing me some work ethic which I can understand because I am supported by my wife and basically he considers me the wife of mine and my wifes relationship lol which is true in the context of this mental reality but I see it as she is more understanding in survival than I am. I dont look at it in that context of comparison as the man is the one that makes the money and the wife is suppose to stay home and cook and clean and all that other preprogrammed mumbo jumbo. I see it as I am to become one and equal to her within making enough income to support us and I have yet to do so because it takes time for me to do financially support us and that is what I am busy in process of doing as well.

So back to the point; I had to put my process to a hault because of all the work I was doing so I had no time to work on myself within changing through writing realizing then living. I turned into a work machine for two months straight and hardly passed my lesson three from the DIP and asked my buddy Marley if I can put my process on a pause for a month to so that I can handle certain things and working with my dad.

Now I am headed back to California and I am going to start process yet again so this feels like a bit of a timeloop. I did enjoy my stay with my dad as I feel like I needed that push to assist me within seeing how it is to constantly work within this current system which is something that I lacked perse. I have requested to start my DIP again and I am going to go into this more determined than ever because living like this is regorous. It is tuff and not saying that I dont have the streaght but I am saying that if someone has to work as constantly as I did those two months just to be rich than its fucked, where is the play, where is the fun, where is self? If all we do is work our asses off than how the fuck can we really ever enjoy life? Some can say well enjoy your work but when it comes to working ONLY while your alive than that is not something to enjoy, that is not supportive towards the physical, it strains and stresses it out and eventually at the end of your time you can be satisfied through only working? Working is a part of life, it is not life, it is a lie. It is meant to distract us from us, from who we are and thats why people become obsessed within work, because this is the system we allow, one where people are afraid to not have. Afraid that if they give up one day of work that they can no longer live. living in fear is not living, it is abuse, it is a lie and we all live it.

Now if we lived in an equal money system, there would no reason me sneaking in and out of my wifes parents house. My wife would not be regretting the job she has now. People would not live in fear of never having money/ fear of loss. People would have time to actually enjoy their stay here on earth. If there was an equal monitary system than I as would all be able to have the time to assist and support themselves to live what is best for all by changing their mind to a system of support instead of a system of fear, a system of judgement, a system of greed. We all need an equal money system so that all can live a dignified life and work out of fear, we would work out of support and self responsibility. Why dont we want this for ourselves, why do we insist in this abuse?

See how an equal money system is possible for all life here on this planet.

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